peterbyrne

got'em. thank you.

please take advantage of me. i'll pay a ridiculous price for 4 great seats in buffalo.

hi. i was one of the idiots that lost my shirt making this. and i didn't even end up with a stupid game for myself. how much are we talking about here? cheers peter

please contact me at pbyrne@bensimonbyrne.com thank you very much. p

I had no idea I’d ignite such passion with my drum major suggestion. And my podium idea, well, that just went nowhere. I do appreciate everyone setting me straight. As a new person in the forum i'll try to be more circumspect in the future with my opinions. And I apologize if I upset anyone. I wish I could reply to each and every one of you. Instead, I’ll simply respond to the person who said “you probably never marched in a drum corps.” That, I dunno, crossed some kind of line. Never marched??? Are you joking??? I’ve marched plenty, my friend. Many, many a night, I put on a corps record in my tiny bedroom. (I live alone.) I crank it up real loud. And then I, well, I perform. But ‘perform’ doesn’t do justice to what it is I do. I do it all. I conduct. And I’m not talking about just waving my arms around higgly-piggly. I use my hands to literally suck the music right out of those horn players. Sometimes I throw the couch cushions up in the air and catch them. (Pretty sure it’d look spectacular in super slo-mo.) And I practically never drop. And if I do drop a cushion, I give myself a tick. (Still using the tick system in my house. Keeps me honest. And I don't tolerate any sloppiness. I'm firm, but fair.) I also march, though there’s way too much furniture in there to get up a good head of steam. Still, I’m able to execute some pretty elaborate and blindingly fast footwork. I play pretend cymbals. But I don’t just play them, I spin the heck out of those suckers. Sometimes the imaginary crowd goes bananas when I do my spinning cymbal dance. Anyway, let’s just say I really take pride in my performances. I never give less than a hundred and fifteen per cent. And at the end, if I think I’ve really outdone myself? I faint. (How come no one ever faints anymore? I think it’s very dramatic and adds immeasurably to general effect. Who’s to say Blue Devils couldn’t have won last year if at the show’s conclusion the drum major had just taken a header off the podium?) But back to me. I really should capture some of my better moments and post them on that youtube thing. It does seem a terrible waste that the world can’t see what I do in that bedroom. But the one thing you’ll never catch me doing? I never, ever make a really complicated salute. Though sometimes I have been to known to give myself a stern look into the mirror before relaxing into a really warm and engaging smile. Definitely a crowd-pleaser. And a bit of a trade-mark of mine. As is the deep bow from the waist I execute after my imaginary corps sweeps all captions and the first-place trophy. I’ll tell you one thing. After one of those performances, I hit the sack and I’m out like a light!

Okay, so forget about the drum major salute. I’m not a complete idiot. I can see that a lot of you are attached to it. It’s fine the way it is. Really. But what’s with all the different podia? Wouldn’t it make sense if there was one podium for all the corps to use? When I attend the symphony, each new conductor doesn’t arrive pulling his personal podium with him. They all kinda use the one provided. I hope you understand I’m not suggesting this for myself. It’s for the poor saps that have to push and pull these ungainly monstrosities across fields and streets and through parking lots and ramps and such. What about those people, eh? Doesn't anyone care?

What’s with the salute? Why does this ritual exist? The drum major makes an absurdly fancy salute—far fancier than any salute in any military I’ve ever seen—and then he smoothly, half-casually doffs his cap, and his face breaks into an “aw shucks" smile. (Preferably toothy) A smile that says, “hey, sorry about that really kind of ridiculous salute type thing I just did there a second ago. I’m not really like that. All officious and all. I’m just a kid, really. Now, let’s begin this little entertainment of ours, shall we?” I’m sorry, I know this is your chance, to shine, but I really believe the salute’s gotta go. Just give us a little thumbs up or an “okay” sign. Just wave. You can still give us that nice warm smile of yours. Just spare us the semaphore, will ya? And oh yeah, no more batons.