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A cry for help to band directors everywhere


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Update on the situation.

A friend of mine in said band messaged me today in the morning about what happened. Conversation is as follows:

Me: I'm glad I left when I did, it made me sad to hear him call out that kid

Friend: I mean it's [band director]. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Me: He's mean and everyone laughs about it. No excuse.

Friend: But the kid didn't care

Me: So? Still pretty wrong

Friend: I honestly don't really care

I'm not chatting with a staff member. This is a friend, a former bandmate who joined the band program LAST YEAR. We both started our marching arts journey together at the same time. What a depressing cult of personality. I feel really bad for everyone else there who doesn't have the courage to stand up and say something.

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I had two band directors in marching band during my 6 years (we could join in middle school). The first was an amazing person outside of band as well as an amazing educator (even going as far as to pay for students fees who otherwise wouldn't be able to join), and we were quite successful on a local level as well as the national level in local BOA regionals.

The second director came in and was an immediate nightmare, yelling at kids and getting in their faces while at attention to scream at them to the point of spitting in their faces because of it, throwing tantrums and throwing stuff off the tower making the drum majors chase after it in the wind, grabbing a hold of students and dragging them off the practice field (parking lot), harassing kids that weren't in band, making fun of certain kids in the band who had learning disabilities, etc. Needless to say that our level of excellence took a nosedive and after only a handful of years he was pink slipped and the program was unrecognizable. The program had dropped from right around 100 members to 40 members, financially we were ruined, and parents refused to allow their kids to join the middle school concert band program for fear their children would want to join marching band. Luckily the program has bounced back to almost what it once was, but it has taken over a decade to do so.

I could write a book on my time under both directors and the stark differences between the two. I learned a lot from both. One I modeled myself as a music educator after, the other I was taught how to not be as a music educator. I'm sure you can easily decide which one I took after. 

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31 minutes ago, Orwellian Wiress said:

Update on the situation.

A friend of mine in said band messaged me today in the morning about what happened. Conversation is as follows:

Me: I'm glad I left when I did, it made me sad to hear him call out that kid

Friend: I mean it's [band director]. I don't think it's that big of a deal.

Me: He's mean and everyone laughs about it. No excuse.

Friend: But the kid didn't care

Me: So? Still pretty wrong

Friend: I honestly don't really care

The bystander effect is strong in our society, and by default, also in the pageantry arts. It takes a lot of character to make a different choice.

Thanks for modeling one of the safest ways to protect one's self from bullies. Leave.

31 minutes ago, Orwellian Wiress said:

I feel really bad for everyone else there who doesn't have the courage to stand up and say something.

That was me, friend. Not in your former band program of course, but throughout my drum corps experience.

And considering no single person I marched with (that didn't encourage/support me to release the letter) has said anything publicly or privately to me about it... the likeness between our stories holds true.

It seems all we can do is leave spaces where these things happen, warn others, and help support the next crop of young people who get Whiplashed.

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i had 3 directors in 4 years. none cared about competing, but me growing up around corps did. so often went to the school my dad taught and hung out there. the kids treated me as one of their own, and as soon as i could drive, i was spending far more time with their band than mine. i went to more of their proms than my own. when i turned 18 and graduated, i was hired as staff, and i knew right away to end the "friends" aspect, which was ok, because the ones i ran around with were graduated.

 

i even helped the kids when i was still in school off the record of course. ahhh, the 80's. but if not for that experience, i dont think i'd have stayed as connected or gone on to march myself. even now when i encounter any of my old directors, i say hi at best. but the director of the school dad taught at...yeah i went to his funeral and his wifes funeral. attended his kids weddings. 

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My band never competed. Had a crusty WWII vet who explained it to couple of us this way: “Some of the kids have low self esteem or family issues. You know who I mean (we did). Band is about the only thing where they can work with other kids and take pride in what they do. If we compete and they mess up people would be all over their ### and make them feel worse. Ten years from now I’d rather have the kids have a better life than have a trophy collecting dust.” Then he named the showcase of an all state quarterback who no one remembers. 🤦‍♂️
Someone said that fellow band members would not give these kids crap if they messed up. Response was “not talking about you I’m talking about the ####### band parents”. Years later band competed when my sister was there. One constant was band parent BoD were buttholes.

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On 11/13/2022 at 6:57 PM, ZTWright said:

I had two band directors in marching band during my 6 years (we could join in middle school). The first was an amazing person outside of band as well as an amazing educator (even going as far as to pay for students fees who otherwise wouldn't be able to join), and we were quite successful on a local level as well as the national level in local BOA regionals.

While a BD who pays for students seems altruistic, make no mistake - if that ever ended up in court for some reason, that would be seen as "Grooming" behavior (potentially). I say this because I know of educators in pageantry who have done things like this and ended up in jail (for "grooming", not for inappropriate contact).

It's part of the problem, if we're honest. Yes, a BD should be supportive. No, they should not "gift" things to individual students. That is not a boundary to be crossed. Even if it's with the best of intentions.

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2 hours ago, NewToPosting said:

While a BD who pays for students seems altruistic, make no mistake - if that ever ended up in court for some reason, that would be seen as "Grooming" behavior (potentially). I say this because I know of educators in pageantry who have done things like this and ended up in jail (for "grooming", not for inappropriate contact).

It's part of the problem, if we're honest. Yes, a BD should be supportive. No, they should not "gift" things to individual students. That is not a boundary to be crossed. Even if it's with the best of intentions.

The same could be said for people who sponsor kids to march drum corps. 🤷

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2 hours ago, ZTWright said:

The same could be said for people who sponsor kids to march drum corps. 🤷

How much contact do sponsors have with the members they sponsor? Most I ever had was a couple of thank you PMs from a member. 

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On 11/16/2022 at 12:33 PM, NewToPosting said:

While a BD who pays for students seems altruistic, make no mistake - if that ever ended up in court for some reason, that would be seen as "Grooming" behavior (potentially). I say this because I know of educators in pageantry who have done things like this and ended up in jail (for "grooming", not for inappropriate contact).

It's part of the problem, if we're honest. Yes, a BD should be supportive. No, they should not "gift" things to individual students. That is not a boundary to be crossed. Even if it's with the best of intentions.

I’m thinking that there may be more to the story of educators being in jail for grooming. For one thing, grooming without the inappropriate contact is difficult to prove. Perpetrators often use normal behaviors to groom. Grooming is also gradual. I don’t know how you could legally codify grooming. I believe they could be in jail but my guess is there is more to the story.

Regarding band directors paying drum corps tuition, many schools have policies regarding teachers giving gifts to individual students. A friend of mine who teaches English is always giving books to students. If it is a book she purchased, she has to get the approval of an administrator first. It’s often through booster organizations that athletes get scholarships for AAU programs. 

Edited by Tim K
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The resources are readily available for parties interested in protecting their communities better.

Here's the 3rd highest hit from a web search of "definition of grooming behaviors:" https://www.rainn.org/news/grooming-know-warning-signs

RAINN is a trusted resource and national leader on the topic.

The grooming behaviors that don't involve direct-contact violations are: preferential treatment (not a viable teaching tactic in the first place,) favoritism (still not a viable teaching tactic,) gifts (similar to before, especially when there's a power differential,) one-to-one time (safe educational institutions and strong educators know this is extremely-rarely necessary,) use of personal email or social media (see previous,) contact outside of school hours (there are laws in Europe that say businesses can't even contact their employees off-hours... there is no "minor emergency" for a band student that can't be handled during hours. Even in cases of major emergencies, only the most qualified, trained, and prepared teachers should be handling student emergencies... instead call their guardians and 911, and get the student back in the care of their loved ones. Most anything else is not a teacher's place.)

Look no further than the Diamante report to see these in action... and they weren't young children, simply young adults. Strong educators know to avoid the behaviors because they have the potential to poison the social structure of a young student group very quickly. At worst, and in the hands of predators and their enablers, these behaviors can destroy lives.

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