Mr. Know it all

Here's one of my favorite WGI weekend 'insider tips': The 'Dorothy Lane Market' in Oakwood is not only home to the world famous 'Killer Brownie,' but it's also open 24/7. How convenient is that...??? For those of you with cars, Dorothy Lane Market is about 15-20 minutes south of the UD Marriott on Far Hills Avenue. (And that's 15-20 minutes including stop lights and all that kind of stuff.) So, if you've practiced, spectated or have been traveling late into the wee hours, you can perouse the aisles at Dorothy Lane and find something suitable for a late night (or early morning) snack. And just FYI, for those of you not familiar with Dorothy Lane Market aside from the FABULOUS brownies, Dorothy Lane is a full service, 'nicer' local grocery store. It's not a huge store, mind you, But it does offer all of the standard grocery departments. So, for what it's worth, there you have it.

I've always said that people from Dayton are the nicest people in the world. This thoughtful post reinforces my theory, yet again. Thank you so much for gathering and posting all of this helpful information...!!! And the details of the I-75 construction are GREATLY appreciated. Whether traveling to Dayton by car, bus or plane, nearly everyone attending WGI will drive on I-75 at some point during their stay. This info should help drivers avoid as many of the construction 'surprises' as possible. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU...!!!

I beg to differ with the previous author, but the the information contained in his or her post is slightly inaccurate. Convalescence was NOT disqualified for throwing mashed potatoes into the audience. Neigh, neigh. Untrue. False. Rest assured, gentle readers, that members of Convalescence DID hurl fistfuls of Hungry Jack instant spuds into the audience. That much definitely is true. But a 'side dish infraction,' as it's officially known in the WGI rule book, only would have incurred a mandatory 20 pt deduction from the guard's final score. Rather, Convalescence was disqualified for using a series of 'Super Soaker Max Infusion Flash Flood Water Blasters' to drench the audience with brown gravy after the airborne potatoes landed in the laps of spectators seated in the first three rows of the VIP seating area. THAT was the 'grand faux pas' that earned Convalescence its disqualification. Upon learning about the disqualification, Sebastienne undertook a desperate - and disgusting - effort to reverse the judges decision. When the disqualification was announced during the awards retreat, Mr. St. Jacques immediately began crawling on all fours through the VIP seats and spooning-up trampled piles of compromised potatoes with a zoological grade Pooper Scooper. (EDITOR'S NOTE: This extreme attempt at exoneration did not impress the judging panel. Not even one little bit. )

THIS JUST IN: There seems to be even MORE scuttlebutt ‘scuttling’ in the general vicinity of Sebastienne’s destined-to-be-infamous Convalescence auditions in Ohio. Consider: Yet another under-handed effort in the long, sad series of under-handed efforts on the part of Sebastienne to illicitly capitalize on the reputation and cachet of The Pride of Cincinnati continues to be played out in the Ohio legal system even as the Chi-Chi's parking lot audition 3-day weekend rapidly approaches. I didn’t hear about this until just recently, but apparently it is widely known and quite well documented that Sebastienne spent the better part of his summer break frequenting competitions of lesser-known drum corps circuits across the country and plastering Convalescence audition flyers all over concession stands and vacant Port-O-Lets as time would allow during the awards ceremonies. The garish, heavily decoupaged flyers hinted that a professional partnership was all but sealed between Sebastienne and longtime Pride of Cincinnati staff member Rosie Miller Queen, who, the flyers claimed, would be attending the Chi-Chi’s audition camp as a clinician, conducting extensive 'hands-on technique sessions' that were going to be offered throughout the weekend. Now, I’m not one to gossip, but as the story was passed along to me, Rosie got wind of Sebastienne's turgid scheme when a friend of hers who had attended the “Drums Along the Drainage Canal Spectacular” in Rapid City, South Dakota tipped her off after seeing a Convalescence flyer featuring an obviously fake photo of Rosie, arm in arm with Sebastienne, sipping Thunderbird Wine out of a “Losers Suck” coffee cup. Beneath the photo was the cryptic announcement, “Convalescence 2011: Sebastienne and Rosie. Together again. You do the math.” Since learning about Sebastienne’s latest cheap attempt to benefit from her good name, Rosie's legal counsel has stated on numerous occasions to the news media and to the full WGI Steering Committee that any references to her possible involvement with Convalescence 2011, either in the form of her direct participation or indirectly via the use of her name or the licensing of her image, simply put, are now and always haven been 100% false. I also heard that a printed statement released to the media on Friday from the law offices of Cohen, Cohen, Cohen, Cohen & Cohen reconfirmed the position that Rosie has been asserting all summer. From the official statement: “In response to my alleged participation in the upcoming Sebastienne St. Jacque/ Convalescence three-day Chi-Chi’s parking lot tryouts in Southwestern Ohio, I offer a three-word reply: ‘Not gonna happen.’ ” Again, that’s the latest I’ve heard via the grapevine about Convalescence auditions. I hope this information is helpful to any and all prospective auditioners, bless your heart. And there you have it.

Ok, now I'm thoroughly confused. The last batch of Convalescence audition information to which I had been privy clearly stated that auditions for the 2011 guard were going to be handled in person and on a 'by invitation only' basis. As the story was related to me, video auditioning was not going be possible this year due to the fact that Sebastienne - again - has been reduced to living out of the back seat of his mulberry-over-taupe 1977 Ford Granada and, as a result, has no access to electricity, thus making it impossible for him to review electronic auditions submitted in any format. Therefore, all 2011 performers were to be cast exclusively via live, 'invitation only' auditions monitored closely and, in some cases, illegally, by Sebastienne himself. I also heard that standing squarely in the way of the aforementioned 'invitation only' selection process is the fact that Sebastienne - again - has been denied access/renting privileges to all indoor performance and practice venues in the continental United States, Canada and Mexico. Supposedly, Sebastienne's recent appearance on an extended episode of "To Catch a Predator" with Chris Hansen hasn't been sitting particularly well with authorities in the various municipalities in which Sebastienne expressed interest in holding auditions. At any rate, the last I had heard - and, admittedly, I could be dealing in outdated information here - auditions for Convalescence 2011 were going to be taking place this fall in two U.S. sites. Here's what I know, or at least what I've been told: CONVALESCENCE AUDITION SITE A Tentatively scheduled during late October in the fertile Cin-Dayton color guard corridor, this audition experience, I was told, is a three-day camp/clinic followed by a strenuous audition phase to be conducted in the rear parking lot of a shuttered 'Chi Chi's' Mexican restaurant in the greater Fairfield/Middletown area. Word on the street is that Sebastienne’s choice of this particular geographical location is yet another carefully calculated, strategic move by the award-seeking director in his continued - and, at times, confusing - campaign to recruit current members from The Pride of Cincinnati who might be otherwise unattached during the 2011 season during the organization’s hiatus. The OTHER word on the street, however, is that upon hearing these rumblings about Sebastienne’s ill-conceived 'Pride' recruitment initiative, the full compliment of directors and staff from The Pride of Cincinnati have in turn forbade all active members as well as all alumni from becoming involved in any way whatsoever with Convalesence 2011 or else face an official ‘Pride’ court martial followed by an immediate and permanent expulsion from the organization, stiff financial penalties and complete digital elimination from all performances of The Pride of Cincinnati that have been released on DVD, VHS and all other downloadable media formats. CONVALESCENCE AUDITION SITE B I had also heard that a West Coast round of Convalescence auditions have been penciled-in for mid-November in the Walnut Creek, Calif., vicinity, supposedly somewhere in relatively close proximity to Shirley Whitcomb's home. An important development to note here is that earlier rumors of the auditions actually taking place on Shirley's sun porch later turned out to be untrue. When asked about the origin of this rumor, Sebastienne is said to have told WGI representatives to "mind their own bees-wax." And that’s all I know about auditions. Oh - I almost forgot. Prospective members who made the Convalescence invite list for either of the live auditions supposedly - and this could be old information, too - supposedly were going to receive via 4th Class U.S. mail sometime during the month of September a personalized invitation handwritten by Sebastienne on the back of a credit card receipt from 'Dress Barn For Him.' And THAT'S all I know about auditions. Again, my information could be outdated, but I just wanted to pass it along. So, for whatever it's worth, there you have it. Hope these details are helpful to anyone considering a future, such as it might be, with Convalescence.

I certainly hope Sebastienne has done his homework on this one. An eerily similar balloon-related spectator event in the tri-county area during the 1970s didn't end particularly well when Cincinnati radio station WKRP dropped live domestic turkeys from a helicopter and onto unsuspecting patrons attending a promotional event sponsored by the station. And just in case Sebastienne has, indeed, heard of this near-legendary turkey launching fiasco, it's important to note that WGI continues to enforce its ban on the use of live animals - including turkeys and all other flightless fowl, both domestic and wild - during all functions sanctioned by WGI and its subsidiaries.

FROM: FLORIDA FISH AND WILDLIFE CONSERVATION COMMISSION TO: ALL STATE AND NATIONAL NEWS MEDIA OUTLETS DATE: AUGUST 23, 2010 FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TALLAHASSEE (AP) - The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission announced today that it has added Sebastienne St. Jacque to the growing list of invasive, non-native species threatening the fragile ecosystem of Everglades National Park and the adjacent protected wetlands. Recently, an amateur photo surfaced in which Sebastienne is seen swallowing a live, 14-foot, adult American alligator in the murky waters of the Western sector of the Miami-Dade County recreational reserve. Most disturbing to officials at the FFWCC, however, is a second photo in which Sebastienne clearly can be seen washing down the remnants of the gator with an entire box of expired Franzia white zinfandel wine. Following a thorough review of this data, officials from the Florida Department of Natural Resources in conjunction with the FFWCC have authored a bill allowing for a controlled hunt of Sebastienne St. Jacque. The document will be introduced into the Florida Legislature by State Rep. Sheila Klein-Goldman-Fernández-García (D-North Miami Beach) during the 2011 general session. If passed, the bill would establish a "Statewide Sebastienne Harvest," tentatively scheduled for late summer/early fall, when, according to local herpetologists and psychiatric experts, Sebastienne is most likely to be breeding and/or molting. During this time of the year, Sebastienne frequently can be found breaching in shallow estuaries during lavish courtship rituals and lounging on dry land while shedding old-growth sequins, feathers and rhinestones. Field officers with the FFWCC also suggest that Sebastienne potentially would be easier to track during this recognized 'spawning cycle' due to the extensive trails of discarded Dynel® wigs he's known to leave behind while migrating between favored breeding enclaves. Residents who wish to report Sebastienne sightings either in Everglades National Park or in any Brazilian waxing salon in the South Florida region can contact the FFWCC directly by phone or via the agency's website. [END - 082310 - FLTAL]

Rumors are circulating that the 2011 WGI judging pool also will include both Paula Abdul in movement and Ellen DeGeneres on equipment. And an as yet unverified, very suspicious Tweet from @sebastienne broadcast earlier this afternoon suggests that former U.S. Supreme Court Justice David Souter will be used regionally as a consultant in the areas of timing/penalties and copyright compliance. The veracity of this Tweet remains highly questionable, as Sebastienne St. Jacque likely believes that the U.S. Supreme Court sang backup for Diana Ross during the 1960s.

Ya know what...??? You're absolutely RIGHT...!!! For a minute there, I had forgotten about one of the most basic tenants of this activity: the "flighty factor." I'm back with the rest of the class now.

Yes, it did...!!! All the finality and TWICE as many sparkly things...!!! Welcome back, Corona...!!!

Just curious, but if Corona is coming back in 2011, then why was the end of the 2009 season so tearful and gut-wrenchingly emotional for so many fans and members of the Corona organization...??? If I'm remembering correctly, the word at the time was that Corona was officially "folding" the entire program. Finito. Adios muchachos. No mas. It now seems as if Corona just took a year off, as many guards often do. Granted, the organization recently could have found a unexpected source of money that's now allowing for the opportunity to resurrect the program. (And it IS great news that they're coming back...!!!) But as I remember the situation at the time, everyone was describing the departure of Corona as the permanent deactivation of the entire Corona organization. Again, I'm just curious. Any and all information is greatly appreciated.

That's savvy advice, indeed, from the previous poster: do not, repeat, DO NOT for any reason stare either directly or askance into Sebastienne's abyss. (Or into any of Sebastienne's unsecured bodily orifices, for that matter.) And here are some additional guidelines for interacting with Sebastienne. It is suggested that all members of the pageantry arts community familiarize themselves with these rules and regulations prior to the beginning of the 2011 winterguard season. Again, I quote directly from the handbook, 'SEBASTIENNE ST. JACQUE FOR DUMMIES,' third edition: Basic safety precautions for entering Sebatienenne St. Jacque's 20-foot 'Personal Hot Zone' - Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 12 should avoid prolonged exposure to Sebastienne St. Jacque. - Always approach with caution: Sebastienne St. Jacque may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. - Do not initiate verbal communications with Sebastienne St. Jacque while indoors. - Immediately suspend all contact with Sebastienne St. Jacque if any of the following symptoms should occur: * Itching * Burning * Vertigo * Dizziness * Tingling in the extremities * Difficulty breathing * Loss of balance or coordination * Irritation of mucous membranes * Slurred speech * Headaches * Ringing in the ears * Temporary blindness * Unexplained viscous secretions * Profuse sweating * Heart palpitations * Speaking in tongues * Inability to pass urine * Electromagnetic phenomena * Full or partial levitation * Uncontrollable flatulence * Hair loss * Swelling in legs, ankles or feet * Genital thrush * Constipation - If Sebastienne St. Jacque begins to smoke or emit otherwise suspcious fumes, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. - Prolonged exposure to Sebastienne St. Jacque might cause peeling and discoloration to occur on certain types of skin. - Sebastienne St. Jacque is known to posses an unstable liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked upon. - Sebastienne St. Jacque has been deployed as a 'weapon of mass confusion' by our troops in Iraq and also has been dropped no less than nine times by allied warplanes on the Afghan cities of Kabul and Kandahar. - Do not taunt Sebastienne St. Jacque. - When not in use, Sebastienne St. Jacque should be returned to his specially designed carrying container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the WGI Steering Committee and the City of Dayton of any and all liability. Editor's note: Applications for the Convalescence 2011 season are still being accepted via the organization's web site.

From the psychiatric desk reference and handbook, 'SEBASTIENNE ST. JACQUE FOR DUMMIES,' third edition: "Attempting to understand Sebastienne St. Jacque at an intellectual level is an experience not entirely unlike staring into the abyss of which Nietzsche spoke."

AP NEWS ALERT - [sEBASTIENNE SIGHTING - 08-01-2010] - ATTN: SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN - UPDATES GRAPHS 5 THRU 7 DETROIT (AP) - Early Sunday morning, a slew of Sebastienne St. Jacque sightings were Tweeted from Detroit's popular downtown marketplace, the Eastern Market. Multiple Tweeters claimed that Sebastienne had spent the better part of 45 minutes stomping furiously from vendor booth to vendor booth, trying to order a Sloe Gin Rickey with two green maraschino cherries. Sources from Eastern Market verified the sightings following a review of surveillance footage initiated at the request of the full WGI Steering Committee and the Wayne County Sheriff's Office. The Eastern Market video shows a severely disoriented Sebastienne St. Jacque, dressed in a London Fog raincoat, dark sunglasses and a hand-beaded babushka, careening through the market and, at times, using toddlers as human shields to avoid physical confrontations with Wayne County Sheriff's officers, furious patrons and Eastern Market staff. Unconfirmed reports also claim that Jennifer Leseth was seen at Eastern Market later the same day, dressed similarly and attempting to order six-dozen gold lamé swing flags monogrammed with the initials "SSJ". At this time, neither authorities from WGI nor the State of Michigan are aware of a link between the two events. Information from The New York Times News Service and Cat Fancy magazine was used in this report. (END 08-01-2010)

I recognize that I'm showing up fairly late in this thread. And I usually don't chime in to a discussion unless I have something cogent to add, but... I'll go on record as saying that the Air Blade is quite possibly the queerest piece of so-called "legitimate" equipment that I've ever seen introduced into the activity. - - - - - - - - - - And before the entire "Society of Pro-Air Blade Spinners" leads a pitchfork riot to my front door, let me say that I'm sure that there must be numerous, reputable groups out there who've used the Air Blade in interesting, creative ways that are both lovely and beautiful if not also downright inspiring. I'm in no way disparaging the performance of any individual or any program. I'm only stating my opinion. And title of this thread includes the words "YOUR OPINION" in all caps. So, let's not get our undies in an uproar, ok...??? This is MY OPINION. - - - - - - - - - - Yes, I'm a firm advocate of change and evolution and progress and all of that good stuff. But in my opinion, the Air Blade gets two thumbs down - WAY DOWN. It's just a cheap-looking piece of silly, plastic crap. I mean, seriously. What's the cost per unit on this thing...??? About 27¢...??? Maybe less...??? The Air Blade is a very close to being the all-time #1 bad idea on my list of "What were they thinking...???"

Sebastienne...??? Dead...??? Oh, pish. This is nothing but idle talk, heresay and unabashed falderal. First of all, you can't kill the undead. That's a proven fact. Watch a few George Romero movies, if you don't believe me. Secondly, I have little to no doubt that this highly-questionable rumor will be resolved in the very near future and in much the same way as the death of Bobby Ewing was resolved during the 9th season of 'Dallas." I see it happening something like this: FADE IN. LATE AFTERNOON. SHIRLEY WHITCOMB'S LIVING ROOM A red-wine-sedated Shirley Whitcomb is awakened from her daily post-lunch nap by a ghastly commotion emanating from her guest bathroom - the one she just remodeled. She rises cautiously from her Levitz sleeper sofa, tippy-toes down the hallway, opens the bathroom door and what does she find...??? DRAMATIC MUSIC CUE HERE She finds Sebastienne St. Jacque. In the shower. Nude. Lathered from head-to-toe with Woolite Complete® and belting out a bravura rendition of "My Hero" from "The Chocolate Soldier." Shirley shrieks, collapses and is dragged back to the safety of her sleeper sofa by Denise Bonfiglio and Dale Powers. THE END Ok. Now, admittedly this "Sebastienne is dead" charade might not end EXACTLY as I've described above - but I bet it'll be close. VERY close. Disturbingly close. In fact, I think we should all say a little prayer right now for Shirley Whitcomb, God rest her soul.

Holy cow...!!! No South Florida WGI regional in 2011....??? That certainly is disheartening news, to say the least. Thanks for the information - although it's less than encouraging information to hear. But, as I pointed-out in my original question, there's still a lot of time before the 2011 season begins. Perhaps an unanticipated solution will appear between now and then. Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

Before I even pose my question, let me say right up front that I know it's VERY early in the planning process for the 2011 season. So, I'm not trying to be alarmist or premature or anything. Now, with that being said... I don't yet see on the early WGI calendar a South Florida venue penciled-in for a regional during the 2011 season. Various other WGI events tentatively have been scheduled at the usual locations around the state - Orlando, Tampa and Pensacola - but nothing yet seems to be on the books anywhere within the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale-West Palm Beach area. Question: Will a South Florida regional be added at some point to the 2011 WGI schedule...??? (Obviously, there's plenty of time to add one.) Or is South Florida not going to be hosting a regional during the 2011 season...??? Just curious. Any and all information would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for your help.

I heard via the grape vine that Phil Madden put up quite a fight for the tiara. And sources from Orlando have said that someone bearing an uncanny resemblance to Sal Salas was admitted to a Orange County emergency room with a dislocated right shoulder, possibly injured during a scuffle for a scepter. Now, I not sayin' these things are true. I'm just sayin'...

RE: Upping the max member count to 40... Nothing in the rules - current or proposed - states that ALL MEMBERS of a guard must be on the floor performing AT ALL TIMES. So, with that being the case, I think there could be lots of interesting opportunities for guards that have the luxury of fielding 40 members to implement their "extra" 10 members in compelling, meaningful ways visually. Just something to think about. Carry on...

“Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.” - Walter Winchell Well, as difficult as it is to bid 'adieu' to Josh Conley and Darrick Betro as they transition to other opportunities, it's EQUALLY EXCITING to say "bon jour" to William Chumley as he moves into the director's chair. Sometimes, change is GOOD. Ya know...??? And I, too, am looking forward to watching Center Grove for ANOTHER 27 YEARS at WGI Finals. Good luck to everyone in their new endeavors...!!!

And because you're speaking about WGI types, we also know that you do mean "wigs," in the literal sense, as well.

Oh, people puh-leeze. Aren't there enough "drama queens" involved in this activity as it is now...??? Do we really need to hire actual "Drama Queens" to teach "Drama"...??? Is this trend unnecessary, if not also a tad redundant...??? Or is that just me...???

As I said in my original post, I honestly couldn't tell whether or not the crowd in Orlando was somehow "reacting" to the Jesus image on the flag. Now, it seems as if that definitely was NOT the case at all. (Whew...!!!) Thanks for the input, everybody...!!! P.S.: I really do think Braddock's Jesus flag is one of the best-designed flags of the season.

Ok, I need some help with this discussion ‘cuz I’m honestly not sure if this is something that actually happened or if it’s something that I only perceived to be happening. Consider: Braddock used their red, face-of-Jesus flags at the WGI Orlando Regional. For anyone who hasn’t seen the flag, it’s a solid red flag with a white silk-screened image of a fairly realistic face of Jesus. (Click the link below to see an approximate version of the flag design) They didn’t use this flag two weeks ago at the Ft. Lauderdale Regional, so I’m not sure this weekend was its debut or if maybe they used it last weekend, too. Either way, it was the first time many people – including myself - had seen it. (By the way, I happen to love this flag…!!!) Now, here’s where the story gets tricky. From where I was sitting in the gym, it seemed to me as if the audience at finals hesitated for a very brief moment before they decided how loudly and how enthusiastically to applaud for the closing ensemble flag feature that Braddock was performing with their red Jesus face flag. And it seemed as if the applause level in general for the remainder of the show was maybe just a bit cautious, too. When I noticed this slight diminishment in the audience response, I wondered if, perhaps, seeing 25+ bright red flags each with the face of Jesus silk-screened on them might have surprised some people a bit. And just to make sure that I’m not painting the wrong picture of what I’m thinking I noticed, there wasn’t wide-spread gasping and pointing and mouths hanging open when Braddock started spinning their Jesus flags. It wasn’t a “scene” or anything like that. It just seemed as if something with the audience was slightly off after those Jesus flags came out. Maybe the same exact response level that I remember hearing for the close of the show at the Ft. Lauderdale regional was happening during this performance and I just couldn’t hear it from the spot where I was sitting. That’s entirely possible. Again, this very well might be an example of a situation wherein something that I perceived to be happening might not have been happening at all. In all fairness, I was sitting toward the top of the bleachers and the acoustics in that area were far from perfect. So, my perceived recognition of less than 100% enthusiasm coming from the audience during the final segment of Braddock’s show could be 100% wrong. Did anyone else who attended the Orlando regional pick up on this same vibe…??? http://s739.photobucket.com/albums/xx40/Mr...FLAG_SAMPLE.jpg