I didn't read all of the posts, so hopefully I'm not redundant here.
Have you considered Rutgers? To be honest, the marching band there is not very good, but I can see them improving quite a bit in the coming years.
I was in my high school marching band for 5 years as well as the indoor drumline for 3, and the fact that my school doesn't have a marching band hasn't been a big deal (of course I'm not a music major). I've also heard a lot of music majors from other schools say that marching band is too large of a commitment for them anyway. If you're looking for a great music school, I have to plug the College of New Jersey. It gets overlooked a lot because of its reputation as the former Trenton State College, and because it's relatively close to Princeton. But it's a great school with an awesome music department and the prettiest recital hall I've ever played in. Feel free to PM me, and good luck!