Family support for drum corps members

[Lightness]

I never marched drum corps, but I was involved in high school marching band and thoroughly enjoyed that. Marching band was my social life, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of belonging. I had parents who, although financially well off, came to one home football game a year to watch us perform from behind the rear gate of the field because they didn't want to pay to get in. Even if it was only once a year, and they were standing behind a wrought iron fence to the rear of us, I still remember feeling that *buzz* inside, the excitement that my family was there.

Now I am the single parent of a kid who I watched transform after he found his love and talent in music. If it had been theatre, art, sports, whatever, I would support him in doing that thing that makes him feel the most alive and gives him that sense of accomplishment and self esteem. I struggle financially, have learned to use coupons & live with less, so that my child could pursue his dream. He has given up every amount of Christmas and birthday money, given up getting a driver's license and car, a non replaced stolen Ipod & fancy cellphone, the prom and many other things to help pay for drum corps. We worked together and made it happen. He could have been a typical teenager and opted for the driver's license and car, the prom, and parties but he's not typical.

My family thinks what he is doing is a waste of time. Hell, he could be taking summer classes, getting a job, preparing for adult life (in their eyes). I have tried explaining how important this is to him and how it will impact his future (he's a music major) to no avail. So I give up! My kid just thinks my parents and siblings are dream killers and says to best way to deal with them is NOT to bring it up.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Either when they were marching or now with their child marching?

[DrinkinOuttaCups]

My mom was fine with me marching drum corps, but my dad thought it was a waste of time (of course, he also thinks I should still be playing piano instead of the horn, so this was just another nail in the coffin, I suppose). It wasn't until I sent him an article that was on dci.org about a parent's perspective on their child marching that he was finally convinced to at least support me.

[Frogman87]

I never marched drum corps, but I was involved in high school marching band and thoroughly enjoyed that. Marching band was my social life, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of belonging. I had parents who, although financially well off, came to one home football game a year to watch us perform from behind the rear gate of the field because they didn't want to pay to get in. Even if it was only once a year, and they were standing behind a wrought iron fence to the rear of us, I still remember feeling that *buzz* inside, the excitement that my family was there.

Now I am the single parent of a kid who I watched transform after he found his love and talent in music. If it had been theatre, art, sports, whatever, I would support him in doing that thing that makes him feel the most alive and gives him that sense of accomplishment and self esteem. I struggle financially, have learned to use coupons & live with less, so that my child could pursue his dream. He has given up every amount of Christmas and birthday money, given up getting a driver's license and car, a non replaced stolen Ipod & fancy cellphone, the prom and many other things to help pay for drum corps. We worked together and made it happen. He could have been a typical teenager and opted for the driver's license and car, the prom, and parties but he's not typical.

My family thinks what he is doing is a waste of time. Hell, he could be taking summer classes, getting a job, preparing for adult life (in their eyes). I have tried explaining how important this is to him and how it will impact his future (he's a music major) to no avail. So I give up! My kid just thinks my parents and siblings are dream killers and says to best way to deal with them is NOT to bring it up.

Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Either when they were marching or now with their child marching?

Good for you!! Your son has no idea how lucky he is that you are a wise parent. My son is marching a corps for the first time this summer. I'm hooked!

[SopMaster]

My response...

Colleges, Jobs, Trips, etc. will always be available to you. Adult life is coming no matter what.

BUT you can only do drum corps until you are 21. Then it is no more. You have to experience life.

My biggest regret to this day is not marching my last two years of drum corps. I will look back and remember my first two years but can never go back and march.

Life is not only a job, money, house, cars, etc. If you live life like that you will grow old and have nothing to reminisce.

I am a band director and have so many parents that come up to me and tell me that they don't want their kids to be in band because they want them to focus on school. Later, they burn out because they have been turned into scholastic robots and look back and have nothing to remember or nothing to do to escape. You think they are going to say, "Man, I loved that day that I got a 100 on that Math Test?" NOO! They will remember the trips, competitions, games, the friends, family, etc.

[Calistar]

I also never marched Drum Corps...but I did march in a first rate HS Marching band...as did my wife (at a rival school...boooo!)

My parents did not attend very many performances, but not because they didn't care but because they didn't understand it.

I was ok with that...HS band was sooo much fun. The bus rides to competitions and football games and the comraderie.

All these years later and I a still look back fondly. Although we marched band, we never pushed my kid towards band or drum

corps...but were thrilled when he choose to particapate. We try to go to as many of his perfomances as we can. This is his

third year and we keep in constant contact. He sends me photos from tour and I send him scores each night.

My son loves this activity and worked very hard in the off-season to help pay his fee (we split the cost). He worked the graveyard shift

for four months, while finishing up the year in college, and gave (music) lessons to come up with the money.

As a whole, our family doesn't quite "get it" either...but I have started to take them one-by-one to a show and each time they become hooked!

Our son is out on the road, having a blast and we could not be prouder.

Cali.

[garfield]

Wow! Nice to have a thread that's uplifting and positive instead of another fight about BD or G7 (guilty).

To the OP, I was very lucky. I had parents who pushed me to do music well. I picked up sticks at 4 and developed an early talent. They loved seeing my brother and me in band competitions and at football games.

You, sir, are giving a gift to your kid that he will never forget. He's got the bug and, one day, he'll be on here arguing with the dinos (if he's not already). Ignore your parents (I'm 50, I can say that). Few non-musicians understand the love of music (my parents were music majors).

At 14 I had already marched two baton corps and two drum corps. But I wanted to fly planes, and at 14 I could start flying. At 21 and at the pre-eminent flight school in the country, my eyes changed from 20/20 to 20/50 and I could no longer fly as a captain. After flight school I came back to Ohio State and was in the marching band with my brother. Mom and Dad were happy but it was never the same as drum corps, and I've been hooked ever since.

All these years later, and after a great life in the financial world and teaching HS drumlines, I still regret those 6 years of marching that I didn't do, to follow another dream that didn't pan out.

Pat your kid on the a** and tell him to do good. Him learning about how to deal with his grandparents is just another benefit of him doing drum corps. I'll bet your parents will hardly recognize him when he comes home from tour.

Edited August 2, 2010 by garfield

[76strad]

Well my mom is all for it, my dad is completely against it.

I told him I plan to march and he was like "how are you gonna pay for it?" Of course both of my parents are paying for my car insurance, gas, and a reasonable amount of my college and pvt lessons when they come around. So long as I keep my grades up, cause then they can afford to (by doing so I get a $4000 yearly scholorship from the state ) My mom has a position at her work where I will work for 10 hour days for the whole summer etc. and she says save up for it and march it. My dad says "there is nothing wrong with marching MCDC" which there isn't but when I have my band director (who HAS done it) telling me he has no doubt I can make a top 3 corps straight out of high school I rather lean toward going for the big time. Plus my dad is against me practicing 3 hrs a day "when I could work and make money for college" pisses me off honestly. My dad supports me in what I do, but I'll walk in one day with my drill chart a week before anyone else has one heh heh heh, and say hey! im dancing with some guard girls this year, I get blown off and yelled at because he "doesn't know what that means." Odd thing is though, when i'm upstairs practicing the Marcello Trumpet Concerto, he walks up and is always telling me my pitch. He never took one minute of any music class but he has pitch perfect ears, as in he is right in sync/just as accurate with my 150 dollar tuner. But yeah both my parents support me, yet my dad gets really irritated because all I talk about for half the year is Drum Corps then Marching Band, as DCI season starts in may and marching band ends in Nov. so you know, it's whatever.

[bstar82]

The first corps I marched with, I went to a standstill w/ some of my school buddies. The percussion staff asked us if we knew anybody who could play tympani as they had lost one in their line. All of my friends were drummers, but they were too scared to possibly join the corps. I told them I'd be willing to go on tour even though I wasn't much of a percussionist at the time. After a long afternoon of q and a on both parts, I agreed to join as long as my parents approved.

Just my luck, my parents were out of state attending my great grandmother's funeral as we were left home to watch over my Dad's business. I called them and told them of the wonderful opportunity that I was presented with. My Dad knew of drum corps but didn't really understand the concept of competition and touring and wanted me to stay home and work in his business. I think thruout high school, he saw me perform maybe once or twice in four years be it marching band, concert band, pep band, jazz band, playing in the orchestra pit etc.. He wasn't against music as he had me taking music lessons before I was in first grade. But the fact was he owned his own business, was bringing up 3 others younger than me and times were really tough in the country then. I'm talking during the recession in the 70's. My Dad brought up the money issue and who would take my place at work and pretty much said no, I was not going to do this. I could hear my mom in the background telling him how much I loved music and I have been dreaming of marching drum corps and they shouldn't stop me from living my dream. I took every penny I owned at the time so they wouldn't have to pay for anything. Heck, I even sold my car to have enough money to go on tour. Not that my parents didn't support me, but they had so many other things going on in their lives, they let me go and after the first year, it was obvious I would do this on my own every summer until I aged out. They never saw me perform in drum corps, which made me feel like I was out on my own whether it be drum corps or life. My dad who is now near 75 has gone to a couple of shows w/ me and has told me he's sorry he never saw me perform or helped me out to march at the time. My Mom who passed away ten years ago, told me on her death bed that her biggest regret was not seeing me march in a drum corps show, but that she was proud of me for volunteering and sponsoring others who I have no connection with for the past 25-30 years. She had mentioned she had wondered what direction my life would have taken had she agreed w/ my dad not to allow me to join. Now what I wonder is, what am I'm going to do with all the souvenirs I have collected over the past 30 some years when my time comes? Probably donate them a local school music program or somebody I have sponsored in the past who loves drum corps as much as I do. But they better have a good size truck, cause my collection is pretty large.

[TCBone]

Congrats to you for supporting your child!! Because of your experience you realize the importance of parental support...

My wife and I are both musicians and music educators..When our children reached the age where they could join a corps as a youngster we took them and said check it out..we will support you no matter what... We always felt that their time spent in DC through the years was far more valuable than a summer job learning to say "would you like to biggie size that?".....because of corps dues (three different division I corps at the same time) we may have been money poor but we were family rich...We traveled to every DCI championship they performed in as well as many shows and dont regret it for a second. Neither do the "kids"..All grown up now and all three musicians with music ed degrees, 1 getting his Doctorate in trumpet performance at UT, one just finished masters in Opera performance at Roosevelt in Chicago, and one just received her BS and spent a year in Japan as a cast member of BLAST. You dont know where life will take you....enjoy the ride and keep supporting your kid.....the memories will be worth far more than a big pile o money....

[Staxrocks93]

I never marched drum corps, but I was involved in high school marching band and thoroughly enjoyed that. Marching band was my social life, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of belonging. I had parents who, although financially well off, came to one home football game a year to watch us perform from behind the rear gate of the field because they didn't want to pay to get in. Even if it was only once a year, and they were standing behind a wrought iron fence to the rear of us, I still remember feeling that *buzz* inside, the excitement that my family was there.

Now I am the single parent of a kid who I watched transform after he found his love and talent in music. If it had been theatre, art, sports, whatever, I would support him in doing that thing that makes him feel the most alive and gives him that sense of accomplishment and self esteem. I struggle financially, have learned to use coupons & live with less, so that my child could pursue his dream. He has given up every amount of Christmas and birthday money, given up getting a driver's license and car, a non replaced stolen Ipod & fancy cellphone, the prom and many other things to help pay for drum corps. We worked together and made it happen. He could have been a typical teenager and opted for the driver's license and car, the prom, and parties but he's not typical.

My family thinks what he is doing is a waste of time. Hell, he could be taking summer classes, getting a job, preparing for adult life (in their eyes). I have tried explaining how important this is to him and how it will impact his future (he's a music major) to no avail. So I give up! My kid just thinks my parents and siblings are dream killers and says to best way to deal with them is NOT to bring it up.

My son has marched drum corps for 2 years. He is 17 years old and will be starting his senior year in high school in a few weeks. My son is a 5.0 student (yes, it is possible), is in the marching band of course and has many goals. However, due to this activity called drum corps, he has never held a job. He isn't able to work during the school year due to his work load, marching band, band trips, section leader responsibilities and everything else he has going on. My husband marched drum corps in the 80's, so he was instrumental in encouraging our son to march. We just had this conversation the other night when our son called home, broken down in a Walmart parking lot at 2:00 a.m. heading for a show. One of those nights when you have to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. We talked about the positives and negatives. The positives were endless.......we figured if he was home, he would be pounding the pavement looking for a job, mowing the lawn, all the things he will be doing when he is ready for his "real" life. Sure, it is tough......he misses his friends, doesn't get to drive, watch T.V., sleep in his own bed, take a warm shower, contribute towards his car insurance, save for college .........but this forum is not long enough to hear about how this activity has made our son a better, stronger, independent, confident 17 year old. Slim, trim, tan and I must confess really good looking.....! When he returns after a summer of drum corps, people look at him like WOW what happened to him?! As far as my husband and I attending and supporting him.......our entire lives are turned upside down, but all so worth it. To everyone who has ever marched, I'm envious! You all share something so incredibly awesome.....something you really cannot explain. People always ask us, "does he like it"? You can't answer that question.....there is a love drum corps kids have for this awesome activity and it is something that really cannot be explained!!!! A waste of time....? Thats like saying college is a waste of time......Congrats to you for supporting your son. He is one lucky kid!

Has anyone else ever dealt with this? Either when they were marching or now with their child marching?