ShutUpAndPlayYerGuitar Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I’m a big fan of Deadspins ‘Funbag’ column, where these sort of hypothetical situations are discussed. A similar idea entered my mind recently: Imagine two able-bodied drum corps vets are deserted on a jungle island. Both are 4-year-vets, both are proficient in martial arts, and both are given a backpack of the usual survival supplies (first-aid, fire gear, etc.). Along with their respective backpacks, one is given a pair of 20” Zildjian marching cymbals and the other is given a Yamaha Bb contra* …. Let’s say, both competitors have marching experience on each instrument. The rules are simple: fight to the death. The only thing that can cause damage to your enemy is your instrument. This fight is controlled by omnipresent game-makers (yes, like in ‘Hunger Games’), so any cheating will result in immediate disqualification/death. Who would win? Note: I didn’t include other equipment (sop, snare w/ sticks, rifle) for various reasons. Guard equipment is derived from weaponry, so that would be too much of an advantage. Battery drums are too cumbersome. Other brass instruments are too small to be effective. *I’m not calling it a ‘tuba.’ If it’s in the key of G OR if it’s an instrument of death, it’s a ‘contra.’ 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornandsoccer Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 oh dear lord let the offseason end soon 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Dude, what? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShutUpAndPlayYerGuitar Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 Dude, what? Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShutUpAndPlayYerGuitar Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 oh dear lord let the offseason end soon I understand and even agree with your sentiment. But before we move on to that time of year when people post crappy one-sentence reviews of early season shows, let's enjoy our off-season to the fullest. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wort Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 I played contra and did a snap turn once that took out a flag girl. Does that count? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hostrauser Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 An interesting postulation. The cymbal player would certainly have a speed advantage when attacking, and the edges of the cymbals could be sharpened... but the contra could easily be used as a massive shield to block most of the attacks, and if you're swinging a contra at someone, that's going to be tough to block. I'll go with the contra player. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShutUpAndPlayYerGuitar Posted June 4, 2012 Author Share Posted June 4, 2012 An interesting postulation. The cymbal player would certainly have a speed advantage when attacking, and the edges of the cymbals could be sharpened... but the contra could easily be used as a massive shield to block most of the attacks, and if you're swinging a contra at someone, that's going to be tough to block. I'll go with the contra player. Some great points. I'll add a few clarifications: - You can use any part of your instrument, either as a blunt object or projectile (i.e. you can pelt your opponent with the mouthpiece) - Smelting parts/all of your instrument is allowed - The winner gets a nice gift certificate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flammaster Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Only 20" Cymbals? no question. The cymbal player would win. Those are small yet deadly! Sharpen them suckers up and whooo doggy! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Posted June 4, 2012 Share Posted June 4, 2012 Cymbals. You have two weapons. As the contra is swung at you, you go down to one knee, block upward to slow down the conta's downward force and at the same time slam the other cymbal across the toes of the closest foot. As the person is jumping around, you finish them off with cymbal swipes to the jugular. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.