Words Of Consolation

[DciDadx1]

I’m the parent of a first-year child in a junior corps.

I’m looking for help for words of consolation to say to my child.

I need help because I’m having a hard time justifying the outcome of the season.

My child belongs to a corps that is being treated unfairly by the judging community. I don’t want to start a fight about judging, etc…; suffice it to say it’s enough that everyone in the organization feels the same way. Right or wrong, that’s how they feel.

Because I’m having a hard time finding the words to help my child understand, I am asking the people of experience in this community to help me find them. I want to promote this activity to my child in a positive light, but right now I am truly heartbroken over the way things are done in this activity by people with their own personal agendas.

It’s not like in any other sport, where the outcome of the competition is based on quantifiable numbers (runs scored, goals scored, etc…). This activity relies so much on people’s opinions, and people are so easily corrupted.

There are those that say it’s not about the scores, it’s about the experience the kids have along the way. I agreed with that whole-heartedly. But the success of a corps is still measured by the outcome of the “contest”, and when the outcome is unfair, it taints the experience.

So please put down your keyboards, those that want to have a flame-fest about “fairness of contest”. This is not my concern anymore. I have resigned myself to the situation.

The only responses I hoping for are those that can help me frame the words to speak to my child when that child wants to understand the reality. Or at least some words of motivation that SEEM sincere.

I am so depressed; I don’t want to transfer that to my child.

Can anybody help? REALLY help? Please be kind.

And please don’t pick apart or paraphrase this post for any unintended offense to any person, place or thing. Let me apologize NOW for any unintended offense anyone might have taken. I am new at all this, and want to learn. I want my child to be happy and motivated. I want this GREAT activity to continue, and to be healthy. If I’m incorrect, please help me understand, and try not to be mean. Losers have feelings, too.

This is NOT a slam to the kids in the other corps who are being scored higher; they are busting their butts and doing everything their instructors are asking. ANY kid who goes through this experience is MAGNIFICENT and deserves to be individually commended for their efforts. Especially this summer, with the incredible heat they’ve been through. These are ALL the GOOD kids.

[Eddie]

It should be known that the success granted on one corps comes from the individual performers and NOT from anyone else. We are still part of a youth activity.

If your child feels that they are giving everything they got, putting on the best performance they can, while having a great summer traveling and meeting new friends, then why let what a panel of judges say ruin it for you/them?

Last year I yelled this out at every performance (in Japanese mind you :) )

Just have fun.

[DCI-Dadx2]

The past few seasons our kids belonged to a very good D3 Corps that always seemed to be searching for respect from the judging community. Our favorite show was from a season that ended at semis. That evening at semis when the Corps and staff left the field it was clear that they were "empty". There was a lot of emotion in the show, and that evening they poured their hearts into it. A quick look at their faces showed that they knew the season was over, but there wasn't much regret. They had put out that one show that everyone in the organization knew was in them. That made it easier to accept for everyone. Any advice I would have really applies to all levels of the score column. Hope that the kids get that one show out. The one that they've been working towards all season. If they get that show out, and know that they did. The judge's opinions really become secondary. Our kids' Corps medaled the next season, but the whole family still prefers the show from the season before. Good luck, and congratulations on being a Drum Corps parent. I feel lucky. Hope you do.

[soldier81]

I am sorry for your disappointment this season the best thing I can say is to tell your child that the pain will lessen and to use your disappointment to improve yourself...Alot of members have used the smaller Corps experience to propell them to a top twelve corps...Keep at it your determination will pay off

[MikeN]

The scores are a good indicator of progress throughout the season, but they are certainly not the end-all-be-all of the experience. The 98% of time *out* of uniform is what drum corps is really about - the other 2% is a chance to play in front of crowds around the country who *pay* to see you play - that's how good you are. :)

Go back and look at any of the "major" show recaps for Division I (Indy, SA, Allentown) - look at the percussion performance numbers. They used two judges for that caption at the big shows - look at the difference in scores - enough to affect placements one way or the other if you just used one of the judges on a night. That should be enough to show you that who you get does make a difference - don't place your "worth" on the opinion of a show's outcome.

Your son's a part of the greatest activity on turf. :) He should be proud of the tour, his friends, and the fact that he's gotten to put on a show that few others will ever get to.

Mike

[Achilles]

Ask you kid if he/she honestly feel they performed their personal best. If they can say 'yes' they should take consolation in that and move on.

But for you and your kid: you can only control your own actions and your response to injustice...never that of others...sure, you feel bad for your kid and his/her corps, but that's not within your control. Life's not always 100% fair...but to stew about it, lets the perpetrators win. Don't give them that satisfaction.

Edited August 10, 2005 by Achilles

[Jim Alberty]

The past few seasons our kids belonged to a very good D3 Corps that always seemed to be searching for respect from the judging community.  Our favorite show was from a season that ended at semis.  That evening at semis when the Corps and staff left the field it was clear that they were "empty".  There was a lot of emotion in the show, and that evening they poured their hearts into it.  A quick look at their faces showed that they knew the season was over, but there wasn't much regret.  They had put out that one show that everyone in the organization knew was in them.  That made it easier to accept for everyone.  Any advice I would have really applies to all levels of the score column.  Hope that the kids get that one show out.  The one that they've been working towards all season.  If they get that show out, and know that they did.  The judge's opinions really become secondary.  Our kids' Corps medaled the next season, but the whole family still prefers the show from the season before.  Good luck, and congratulations on being a Drum Corps parent.  I feel lucky.  Hope you do.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have to second DCI-Dadx2 - we all like to hype on the competition and losing really sucks, but you have to get back to what's really important.

Why did your kid get involved? If it was just winning then go join one of the two or three corps that have the best track record (this happens at all Div. levels) and go for the ring.

As a band director and a corps director I can assure you in the final analysis there is absolutely nothing the individual member can do to control what judge thinks - the only exception is giving the totally clean show (I've acted professionally in Shakespeare and managed to do completely clean plays only three times in ten years - no bad screwups, just not totally clean) - but when you do, it's one for the angels.

The judge will decide what they want - they actually do try to be fair, but they are human - there is no objective judging system possible in the arts - even the tick system could be manipulated and people complained as much about judge bias then as now.

If the goal was winning the ring - or beating someone, anyone - then generally the odds are against you.

If the goal was to play the game well - to do your best - they can't get you.

My first competitve corps was the Valiant Knights from Enid OK - we marched in the 1975 VFW finals in Los Angeles (and watched the very first DCI broadcast on a little black and white TV) - man, did we wish we were there.

At the show site I saw t-shirts being sold by members of the Anaheim Kingsmen - kids who had marched and won the very first DCI show three years earlier - the corps had suffered a legendary implosion and here they were in LA, selling shirts that said "Still Alive in '75" - what a comedown. I chatted with one of the bass drummers and bought a shirt (wish I still had it).

So we lost, came in second to the Flamingos - who later became Seattle Cascades, I believe. I remember filing out of the stadium kind of tired and down, because the Flamingos, despite the name, were a hot corps.

Suddenly I heard a thunderous roar in my ear - "Don't look down! Don't EVER look down!!"

It was the bass drummer from Kingsman - the guy who had helped win the first ring - the first ring from DCI ever - selling t-shirts to keep his corps alive - and he knew what the priority was.

Have your child look for what was really important -include the pride you feel for him, just like my dad still does - that's where the success lies and no judge can touch it. Period.

regards - Jim

[strutta]

The subjective nature of drum corps judging is what makes it akin to figure skating and wrestling more than 'quantifiable' sports.

If the kids gave their best and still got screwed, they should hold their heads high and realize that some people in this world will not appreciate your efforts, no matter what. That IS a good (though difficult) life lesson to learn. Good luck!

[kac]

Well, here's a question-

If I were to walk up to your son and asked him how his tour was this summer, what would his answer be???

Would it be "I had the time of my life, saw all kinds of new places, met these amazing new friends, etc?" or would it be "well it was great until we were dumped in scores". ...

Why let the opinions of a bunch of people in green shirts tarnish what was probably an amazing summer??

Something that might help- give him a piece of paper and have him write down every positive memory from the summer, and every negative one. I bet you that his positive column will be much larger than the negative one.

If he gave it his all and had a great time, then that's what truly counts. Honestly, I marched in junior corps 15 years ago, and I can't even recall what place I came in either year. I would have to look it up online. I have a vague idea of what range of #'s my placement was in, but that's it. And I don't care to look it up because my placement has never mattered to me. It didn't then, and still doesn't. It wasn't relevant to my experience.

When I think back to junior corps, I think about certain perfomances (both good and bad), my friends, bus rides (and bus breakdowns), grueling hot days, and realize just how lucky I was to experience ALL of it. Some people are NEVER that lucky.

Someday my son will hopefully march and if he's ever in the same place that your son is right now, I will give him a hug and remind him that life is about the journey, not the destination.

[DRCman]

I’m the parent of a first-year child in a junior corps. 

I’m looking for help for words of consolation to say to my child.

I need help because I’m having a hard time justifying the outcome of the season.

My child belongs to a corps that is being treated unfairly by the judging community.  I don’t want to start a fight about judging, etc…; suffice it to say it’s enough that everyone in the organization feels the same way.  Right or wrong, that’s how they feel.

Because I’m having a hard time finding the words to help my child understand, I am asking the people of experience in this community to help me find them.  I want to promote this activity to my child in a positive light, but right now I am truly heartbroken over the way things are done in this activity by people with their own personal agendas.

It’s not like in any other sport, where the outcome of the competition is based on quantifiable numbers (runs scored, goals scored, etc…).  This activity relies so much on people’s opinions, and people are so easily corrupted.

There are those that say it’s not about the scores, it’s about the experience the kids have along the way.  I agreed with that whole-heartedly.  But the success of a corps is still measured by the outcome of the “contest”, and when the outcome is unfair, it taints the experience.

So please put down your keyboards, those that want to have a flame-fest about “fairness of contest”.  This is not my concern anymore.  I have resigned myself to the situation.

The only responses I hoping for are those that can help me frame the words to speak to my child when that child wants to understand the reality.  Or at least some words of motivation that SEEM sincere.

I am so depressed; I don’t want to transfer that to my child.

Can anybody help?  REALLY help?  Please be kind. 

And please don’t pick apart or paraphrase this post for any unintended offense to any person, place or thing.  Let me apologize NOW for any unintended offense anyone might have taken.  I am new at all this, and want to learn.  I want my child to be happy and motivated.  I want this GREAT activity to continue, and to be healthy.  If I’m incorrect, please help me understand, and try not to be mean.  Losers have feelings, too.

This is NOT a slam to the kids in the other corps who are being scored higher; they are busting their butts and doing everything their instructors are asking.  ANY kid who goes through this experience is MAGNIFICENT and deserves to be individually commended for their efforts.  Especially this summer, with the incredible heat they’ve been through.  These are ALL the GOOD kids.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If this makes you feel any better, I know a corps in DCA who's been getting "screwed" every year for the past 20 years or so! hahaha.

anyway, tell your child that all he/she can do is his/her best. These issues have been relevant since this activity started, and they will never go away.

Edited August 10, 2005 by DRCman