Preamble: I admire the work of all of the performers, designers, volunteers, and parents. None of this should be taken as anything but the good natured satire it is intended as. Ok? Ok. Let's begin. . .
I've attended 7 shows in person so far this season. At each show, I keep forgetting to pick up a printed program, so I have no idea what each corps is performing but that's alright! As Genesis has taught me, I have the power of my Imagination(TM)! And while that may not land a man on the moon, it DOES allow me to write substitute program summaries for some of this year's shows. Here they are:
Santa Clara Vanguard presents their 2017 program "Watch out for snakes." Join 12 intrepid 49ers as they embark on a westward journey, only to discover 50 years later they are back right where they began.
The Boston Crotch Hankies hope you enjoy their 2017 production entitled "50 Shades of Chris Isaak. Subtitle: WITCH!!" Join possessed keyboard player Anna, DCI's least cringeworthy vocalist, and their 148 backup performers as they answer the age old question: "If teens perform a satanic ritual in the woods, and no one is around to hear it then must you burn the witch?" and also a love story. Side note: we plan to go the way of The Academy and Cavaliers last year and sell off rights to be in our show. Start saving now to have your ex-wife's name included in the spoken list of witches names. Cost? Probably less than your alimony payments. WITCH!!
The Cavaliers are pleased to bring you their 2017 production "Meh" or "We really wish there was more Mars in this show, too." Don't fret if you forget the show title, we will literally say it 100 times during the show. We mocked Donald Trump during our 2016 program and he became President. We can only hope our mocking of men this year means they will, some day soon, rise to rule the world.
The Madison Scouts (we think. We have a hard time picking ourselves out in the bus lot) decided to raid their dads' closets this year and throw together a combination of Hawaiian shirts and motorcycle gear for their show "Not Mad Max" featuring not them music of Mad Max. Follow our hero, not named Max, as he maybe raids an old folks home searching for oxygen and perhaps gets in a fight with a rival geriatric gang. Don't worry if you are confused, we are too. Side note: we know ballet type posing and squatting has no place in a masculine, post apocalyptic show, but it's on the judges sheets, so bare with us.
Fresh off their DCI championship in 2016, the No Coats decided the only way to repeat was to go bigger! That's why they decided to join forces with the only franchise larger than themselves to bring you the 2017 production of "Jagged Line: the Harry Potter story from Harry's scar's perspective." You'll delight as this horcrux finally gets the spotlight. Time will slow down as images of bowler hat clad wizards and witches recreate all of your most beloved scenes from the series. Thrill as the horn line magically appears out of nowhere to do battle with the "dark arts" of the judging community. Please note: for the performers safety, this show CANNOT appear immediately before or after Bostons.
The Crossmen have doubled down on field filling props this year with their show, entitled "Prop & Circumstance." The props are so essential to the design that we actually a use corner-to-corner rope to perfectly align them before our opening set only to them immediately move them. You won't believe your eyes when our props do amazing things such as: kind of frame the horn line, sort of frame the drum line, not very opaquely frame the guard, and block off large sections of the field so we don't have to march in them. On the plus side, we can store flags inside them, so that's kind of cool.
That at is all for now. More to come, perhaps.