Funniest Staff Comments/Rants on Tour

[K-Swiss]

not from drum corps, but when my band competed this past year, our assistant director shouted from the press box "MOVE SOME AIR!"

but from that distance, it sounded more like "LUCIFER!" we almost missed our step-off because we were all laughing so hard

Also, Travis Fife, my instructor at McNeese, is fond of "You know, if you guys could play the right rhythms, that'd be great"

[Dir_en_X]

Some I remember from this season.

"Hornline, it looks like someone just killed all of your puppies!"

"Did I SAY you could touch me?"

*in the middle of sneezing* eat...####!!

"Low brass, you looked like a hot mess getting into this set." *points down the line* "Tranny, tranny, tranny, fierce tranny, tranny..." *sweeps down the line* "Hot mess."

"That horns up has to be together. People will see it and say, 'Yeah, that was OK, I guess...' or *points wildly in a direction using most of his body* 'WHOA! That was awesome!'"

And while not exactly a staff quote, this was one of the better memories of tour. At our housing site for the Wildwood, NJ show there was a yard sale about two blocks down the road. During stretch/run the snare and bass techs went and looked around for any good deals. They found an old partially rusted ship made of metal and looked like a wall ornament or something. They ask how much the 'boat' is, and the owner gets upset and yells, "It's a SHIP!" They bought it for $3 and it became the snare idol that they brought to warm up and such. And every so often you'd hear the snare line or the battery in general yell, "It's a SHIP!"

[kyushujet]

Mr Jim Jones yelling at me during rehearsal after I missed a step off even though I had gotten it right the 50 previous times:

"Cut Cut...### #### it! The bass line is the worst section in the corps AND YOU are the worst bass drummer!"

Brent Montgomery (drum caption head) to our drum line in 87:

"That sounds like 10 lbs of #### in a 5 lbs bag."

Brent to of our female quad player during drum marching rehearsal in a grassy area full of horse poop:

"C'mon Jane, it's just grass out of a horse's ###."

And the all time classic response during drum sectional rehearsal in 88:

Our drum caption head, Lou Boldreghini, is on the war path this particular morning and has us all on edge. We are all at attention getting ready to do some serious drill maneuvers in between some orange cones that were set up on a makeshift field and our drum section leader leans over to the snare guy to his right and whispers something. Even though Lou's back is turned, he notices this out of the corner of his eye and asks Russel what he said.

Russel responds, "Um, nothing Lou. It's not important."

Lou retorts: "Well it must have been important for you to say something, so why not tell all of us what you said."

Russel: "Really Lou, it's not that important. Can we just move on?"

Lou (getting madder by the second): "No, I really want to know what you said."

Russel: "Please Lou, can we move on?"

Lou: "No! You tell us what is so important for you to lean over while at attention."

Russel (sheepishly): "Ok, I said, 'I bet Santa Clara doesn't have orange cones.'"

The whole joke that year was comparing what the Troopers had versus what the million dollar corps like SCV and Star had. So, for example, we might say things like, "I bet SCV doesn't have busses that break down every 100 miles." Or "I bet Star doesn't have to eat cheerios for breakfast every morning." And for added emphasis, you had to say it with as whiny a tone as possible.

After Russel answered Lou, everyone in the drumline rolled their eyes and thought, "OMG, we are going to be doing pushups until the end of time." We all started to take our drums off before Lou could respond, but thank God Lou had a tiny sense of humor at that moment and said to Russel, "Don't worry about Santa Clara, just hit the ####### drum."

[CrunchyTenor]

The Drum Major of each Corps would accompany the Inspection Judge down the line and the judge would deduct a tenth of a point for each infraction lacking uniformity. The DM would be afforded the opportunity to try and explain any potential infraction to save the tenth penalty ( rarely, if ever it would work with judges though)

One particular day, the inspection judge came upon a member who's shako was clearly tilted to the side and not positioned properly. The judge told the DM.... " Sorry, but that shako is on crooked and I'm going to have to penalize your Corps a tenth here."

The DM, acting quickly and ad libbing replied " Sir, this Marcher has a birth defect. He has a forehead that is curved thru what is called a cerebellum cortex menicascal membrane". I would ask you to be sympathetc here, as his shako is incapable of uniformity "

The Inspection Judge looks at the marcher... looks at the DM..... Looks again at the marcher.... looks back at the DM..... and decides that to be on the safe side, decides to give the Corps a pass, and decides not to penalize the Corps.

Back in the 60's, when VK wore white bucks, a judge pointed out a spot on a shoe. The DM kneels down, takes careful aim, swats the spot, and says, "Got it, sir."

The judge moved on.

Garry in Vegas

[Guardguy89]

This particular comment wasn't aimed at my corps, but rather at the corps practicing on the field right next to ours (so we could hear all their staff comments as well as our own):

After a run of their show their guard instructor got on the mike and said "That was real good guard, but Wanda honey, it spins the other way".

Needless to say we were all cracking up and cheered wildly for Wanda at the show that night!

Later,

Mike

[Maestro767]

"Go buy a clue."